Emotional detachment

i remember having a discussion with my roomies about this particular topic that I am blogging right now.As usual me and mainframe sided together and we said that we are emotionally detached whereas Manmada(another roomy of mine) said thats not possible.

When I thought I am emotionally detached I did not mean that I don't have friends. My friends circle is actually quite a big one.
Its just that i don't feel the need to connect with them on my own most of the times.Maybe I do it only on a need basis.

Should I call it my ego ?
Or Am I just lazy ?

Whatever be it at the end I am not good in building up conversations and I don't feel the urge to connect on my own.
Does this mean I am emotionally detached ?
Does that mean that I am not one who would socialize easily ?

I leave it for others to decide.

But when I try to recall the discussion I had with my friends I think I was wrong. Its very difficult to be emotionally detached and maybe 99.99% of the people are not one. Its just that maybe people like me build a wall among themselves projecting that they are emotional detached.
What to do I mean by emotional detachment ?
Should I say its the inability to connect ? I don't think so. Its just that those people(too tempting to say people like me:( ) never tried to connect with people that often whatever be the reason(could be even sheer laziness or ego or the feeling of being uncomfortable)

Its natural for people to find ways to connect with each other. They do that for sharing across the thought. Its a basic human psychology to get their voices heard and to speak their mind out. But what makes people to overcome this could be the fact that they have too many inhibitions within them which they think of before they try to reach people.

I remember what my mom used to say whenever I go home.She used to say that someone should pay me to make me talk :P
The best part was that even for that I wouldn't argue I would just give her a smile.

The fact that I blog and i actively share the blog link to my friends is a testimony that I am not emotionally detached.I want to share my frustration , my anger , happiness with people whom I know of.

Btw what made me write this blog ? I have been trying to reach a good friend of mine for the past two weeks. But I m yet to call him up. On introspection I thought that its better to pen a blog on whats the reason. But somehow I ended up writing about emotional detachment.
Actually the ego in me made me think as to whether I really have to blog this ? Maybe the fact that I don't wish to acknowledge the need for someone in life with whom I emotionally dependent on could be the reason for this thought.

The problem in me is I really think a lot of unnecessary things like these which in turn is the reason for me living in my own cocoon (which again was a complement yes a compleiment :P given to me by a very close friend of mine) and I want to seriously curtail it.

So my next blog hopefully would be a fun filled one.And now I have decided enough is enough and let me go and call up that guy.

Are marriages made in heaven ???

Back to blogging :P

OCT 18th 2010 :
Marriages are made in heaven so goes the saying.. I never thought that would happen to me literally :P .

I normally hate flight journey especially when I have to travel alone which has been the case 99% of the time. I guess its the same for others as well.But this time when I boarded the flight I was in for a surprise. I still remember i was on call when I was walking inside the aircraft trying to find my seat. Luckily I found to my surprise that its a aisle seat and actually very close to the place where they have a provision for baby cradle hook. I somehow managed to stuff my bag inside the overhead compartment and to my surprise I found a cute little guy sitting next to me along with his mother. The sight of a kid to play around with actually made me happy and infect I said the same thing to my friend who was on call as well. Then after the takeoff I had a gr8 time playing with the kid and he was actually getting comfortable with me. For some time I was baby sitting for that guy and one of the air stewards came to my place and asked me whether she can take the cradle off if its hook if its not in use. I replied her back that she will have to ask that guys mom about it. She stared at me for a moment and then asked me back as to whether am I not the dad.
For a few minutes I did not how to react.
Should I feel disappointed that I look so old ?
Should I feel embarrassed ?
and infect many more thoughts crossed my mind.


I composed myself and gave her a embarrassed smile and replied back nope thats not the case. To add to it she replied back saying that actually this is the place where relationships are made/broken . I replied her back with a smile.


But at the end of the journey the lady thanked me for making the journey comfortable for the kid. I thought to myself actually that it was the other way round.And she asked me about whether I have been to frankfurt airport before. I replied back in the affirmative. After she was about to ask me something but she kept it to herself. I greeted her and left immediately. But there was a thought lingering across my mind as to why there was a strange reaction from her after asking me about the Frankfurt airport. Being a slow grasper in these things I did not understand that all she wanted was a helping hand in finding the right terminal and the correct gate. She felt a bit embarrassing to ask and so she did not. Maybe I should have figured it out and helped her out. I actually felt bad for that.


Nothing eventful happened in the frankfurt airport. But again when I boarded the flight there was one old tamil lady sitting nearby and since she did not understand a word in English I helped him out whenever he interacted with the airhostess. Then after landing I went directy to the immigration. There since I was very sleepy I did not hear the question properly and therefore answered completely out of context for a few. But looking at the reaction of the officer i regained my composure and then everything after went on smoothly. When the officer was about to stamp all of a sudden the old lady jumped the queue and came directly to me when I was in conversation with the immigration officer and asked me to wait so that I can help her out in finding the correct connecting flight for her. The guy got pissed off and he asked me about the conversation and then thought for a while. I for a moment thought that I would be heading back. More than that, the thought of taking a long journey back home scared the hell out of me. But he stamped my passport and then gave it to me.


But this whole incident made me think. In the first incident the person wanted to ask for help but did not ask for it. In the second one the person reached out for help but at times even crossed the limit unintentionally (ofcourse with due respect to her she was not aware of the process at all )
This same is applicable even in our day to day life. At times we don't really reach out for help. But at occasions we may expect a bit too much out of others either intentionally or unintentionally.

Ok let this not be a overdose of philosophy.

Setting our priorities right !!!

On the verge of a quarter life crisis (thanks to my friend Guru who reminded me about it) I was thinking about whether I had prioritized the right things at the right moments in life. Only then did I realize that it was not only me who had faltered in setting right priorities. We have a government at the centre which has spent close to a thousand crore on a stadium which at it's best will be used only for a fortnightly spectacle. In total, in excess of 70k crores will be spent in what has been touted as the most expensive CWG in the history so far. The same government has been magnanimous enough to allocate 125 crores for the destruction caused in Leh. This is not just a one off incident. I am currently very close to a place where we have a temple plated with gold.
Do we really need a monument of worship to be made of gold?
What difference will it make to the eventual outcome if we have a monument that is very simple?
How much of a difference could that money make even if a fraction of it reaches the people who strive so hard just to make sure that they don't sleep with empty stomach every night ?
What difference could it make if a fraction of it is spent for improving the literacy rate of the country ?
The other incident that comes to my mind is spending huge amount of money for promoting a language. What difference would a language make for so many people who live below the poverty line? Language as such is supposed to evolve over time and nothing can be done about it.
In all these incidents that I have cited we have not given humanity the due priority it deserves. Will this change ? It's a difficult one to answer. It has to come from people within. When I myself feel that I have faltered in prioritizing things which were totally in my control how can I expect someone to take decision for the sake of the society at large? As usual it's easy to ask questions but it's very difficult to answer questions like these ... I m taking the easy way out ;)


By the way, in a couple of days one of my friend whom we call as Mr Legal will be walking down the aisle. My hearty wishes to the couple. Let all their dreams come true ;) and my condolences for losing their bachelorhood ;-)


PS : I m completely apolitical ;)

Living for the moment

In this busy stressful life( I accept that would be a bit of exaggeration ;) ) I can't help but think about what would be my next phase in life. As a result of which I feel I miss out the present pleasant moments in life . Even the moments that I have been eagerly waiting do arrive I just go about my routines without enjoying the occasion.An small get together event during the planning stage looks a fascinating and thoroughly enjoyable one. But when the event actually occur I feel I just go thru my routine. Is that because I am preoccupied about some thought about my future or something that haunts me from the past.
So how difficult is to live for the present moment. How difficult is it to close your mind about the past or the future ? It's not possible to enjoy all the moments in life. But when the moments that we are eagerly awaiting for do come by we are just preoccupied by some other thought may be about the next occasion.
So the next time we have biriyani or a bite of dairy milk thoroughly relish its taste instead of getting preoccupied of what we could have done in the past or what should be done in the future. Now the question would be as to whether having biriyani or a bite of dairy milk are those awaited moments that I have been talking of ?

Commitmentphobia

This incident happened a week back.. I was walking back from office to my home. It's normally a very short walk and wouldn't take more than five minutes. But on that particular day I was mentally exhausted not because of hectic work but mainly because of thinking about what to do the entire day ;) So as I was walking , just behind me a couple of guys were also walking I guess to the bus stop that's on way to my room.
Normally when I walk I get completely involved with some thought or the other and infact most of the time I tend to even miss noticing people who walk in front if me or ahead of me. But that day , my mind was not preoccupied with any thought at all. So I started eaves dropping to their conversation which in first place should not have happened. If at all I have to justify then I guess it would be because of the subject of the discussion. They were actually conversing in Telugu about marriage. My Telugu lingual skills have improved considerably and now I have reached a level I can almost completely understand what people are talking. The only difficulty is that ofcourse I cannot reply back in Telugu. And the other reason as to why I was pulled into their conversation was because they were talking about "Marriage". And only a day before I was somehow succesfully able to ward off my roomates attempt to have a discussion about my plans when my parents came down to Bangalore . My roomies were quite determined to marry me off to "my fictitious girl friend" with the help off my parents. I was able to succesfully manage my parents as well as my roomies attempts thanks to my presence of mind as well as with little help from my friend whom we call as Mainframe.:) Coming back to the conversation, one guy was listing out the reasons as to why he want to delay his marriage. His simple logic was " you cannot totally avoid it but you can atleast delay it a bit" . There were many a reasons which were cited by him and ofcourse they were all personal about which I am definitely not going to dwell about it. But the entire crux of the discussion was that he had set some priorities in life of which currently marriage does not come into the list. He was saying that he was afraid of taking up responsibilities and especially he has fear of commitment. After that I was not able to eaves drop into their conversation.
This incident happened a week back but it is still in the back of my mind because a few weeks back there were a couple of questions directed towards to me.. ..
Why am I afraid of taking up responsibility?
Why am I afraid of getting commited?
I was not able to say that I have no fear though I know for sure that's the case.
If at all I have to prove that then I will have to walk down the aisle as well ;(
Today when I was travelling I thought I will google it out to find out whether there is any word in the vocabulary to describe "fear of Commitment". I thought there wouldn't be one but as usual google and wikipedia proved me wrong. There is a word to describe that fear and it is "Commitmentphobia". And hence the title of this blog.
This blog is because of my roomie Mr.Perfect . We also call him as "Stud of Bangalore". Hopefully he doesn't follow my blogs and hence I don't have to worry about the earning the wrath if his anger ;)

Selfishness

The other day I had an argument with my roommate about my favourite cricketer and does he really deserve whatever that has been bestowed upon him. There was an accusation that he is selfish and doesn't play for his country. I am not going to write defending him and saying blah blah....
The one thing stuck me was within a team what would be the most important factor that would motivate an individual to perform... To put it in simple words what could be the motivating factor for an individual to perform in a team.Can anyone just accept the fact they will have to work for the fullfilment of common team objectives without being selfish enough to think about their growth ? I for one personally believe that selfish is too harsh a word ... Is that's what all game theory about?
Everyone has to be mature enough to understand every member in the team has the right to being selfish till the time it doesn't contradict with the teams objective... I for one believe that one will not put all their efforts just to make sure that the team succeeds. I think it's the other way around. The team succeeds because it contains individuals who strive for individual success. Ofcourse it shouldn't contradict with the teams objectives and also the individual should be mature enough to give space for others to perform as well. To rephrase it , that individual should respect others right to perform brilliantly .... Confusing right ?
I have worked with some highly motivated individuals. I have even thought as to what make them tick? What makes them to perform brilliantly? Is it just the sheer fact they want their team to be the best or their company to be the best? It's difficult for me to imagine that way... There should be a atleast a very small intention in his mind which strives for individual brilliance.
Is that what we label as selfishness ?

Dilemma ?

Recently a friend of mine shared a link which talks of Sandra Bullocks dilemma.
Professional Success VS Marital Happiness.
Which one would people prefer if they were given an option... The author felt that people would actually prefer marital happiness over professional success which to me is not surprising.

I am actually tweaking the question a bit. Professional Success Vs Personal Success.Which one would you prefer?
If I will have to answer this question I will have to first find an answer to what exactly is personal success ?
What is personal success? To many it doesnt even exist. For most of us even that is intertwined with our professional life.
You can find more about info about the original article in the below link ...

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/03/30/opinion/30brooks.html?src=me&ref=general